What's the Point?

  Rather than discuss how long it's been since I've posted and blah blah, I'll cut right to the chase.

  I want to talk about optimism, and about the annoyingness that is negativity and criticism.

  I've been learning a lot about this topic since I began passionately and intensely educating myself on how success is achieved. I have been reading everything I can get my hands on that successful people have written. Listening to audiobooks. My mini van has become, as Brian Tracy puts it, a traveling classroom. I have been seeking to surround myself with positive people who have a positive outlook on life, dreams, and success. And as I learn more and more about all of this, something is coming more and more sharply into focus that is kind of fraying my nerves...

  There are a lot of negative thinking people in this world. A lot. Way too many. Like, it's pretty much angering.

  You know what I'm talking about. "Now, calm down there. Don't get too excited. That is probably not going to happen." "I'll believe it when I see it." "Wait, now you're talking about things that cost a lot of money." "Oh! The smart thing to do would be to..." "I don't see how that would work." "Most people don't really accomplish that." "If you ever make six figures per year, I'm coming to live with you." Um, no, you're not. Because it's so draining and ridiculous to spend so much time with someone who has no ambition or excitement for life.

  I feel like what these people are actually saying is, "What?? Don't show me up and do great things. I'm too afraid of failure to try anything, so of course I'm going to try rubbing my pessimistic nonsense onto you." Yeah, it's really dumb.

  And the people who just can't resist to comment negatively on really ANYTHING that seems easy going and carefree. Casting doubtful glances. Making rude or just plain negative comments, for whatever reason I could only guess because I can't get inside their small mind to view their thoughts.

  The one thing these people have in common? None of them are successful beyond average or mediocre. Hmmm. I wonder why that could be.

  Yeah, I know this is harsh and blunt. But I'd like to meet the overwhelming negativity of this world with an equally blunt dose of optimism and hope.

  Yes, you CAN be and do whatever the heck you want. Fight for it and work hard. Yes, you can accomplish the outrageous and do what you love, if you are willing to commit and sacrifice. No one could ever accuse a successful person of being practical.

  Anyway, I get it. I used to think life just happens to us and we can do little to control it. The fact is though, that we can happen to IT. Yes, I'm the girl who gets passionate and enthusiastic about new things. I can be kinda loud, too. Well, I embrace all of that. It's a gift. Thank God for it.

  Let's take things the extra mile past the happy idea of "Life can be what you want it to be..." and actually work toward that! Watch and listen as people will try to trip you up with discouraging and "realistic" comments, while they believe the lie that they are actually trying to "help" you.

  I think big, dream big, and hope big. What is the point of life otherwise? I want to really live, and not merely exist. I don't want to think small. I want to think huge. I don't want to absorb negative noise, I want to absorb all things lush and full of grand crazy notions. Do I have my bad moments? Heck yeah. Overall, however, I choose upward and onward. I choose faith, moving mountains, and thinking that accomplishes the impossible.

  I suppose I'm writing this because the culmination of becoming successful and growing has come to a head. All the subversive jabs and blatant mocking tossed my way have started to irritate me. Really irritate me. Writing about it is therapeutic! I've come to the crossroads where I need to start bringing the axe down. I really need to surround myself with positive people who look for how's instead of can'ts. People who look for the good instead of the bad. Call me Pollyanna.


  Love,

  Me.

 

  

 

It's a Lie!

I mentioned in my previous entry that I will be studying for a group exercise certification through NETA (National Exercise Trainers Association). 

Well, I have embarked on my studying program for this adventure.

I'm on day two of my studies, and I'm so inspired by what I'm learning. The bulk of what I'm studying right now is behavior, and how it can be very difficult to change behavior (really?! You don't say!). But it goes on to discuss what motivates most people to exercise, and why they often give up. 

Extrinsic and intrinsic motivations. That is what resonates so deeply for me right now in this first section of study. Extrinsic motivation is just how it sounds, external motivations. A prize, a number on the scale, etc. 

Intrinsic motivation comes from within. Finding something you truly enjoy doing. Exercising for the pleasure of it. Increased confidence.

And that's when it really clicked for me. The reason I have been so extremely passionate and willing to get up at 5 am to work out, and work out for 2 hours or more per day and endure sore muscles, packing ice on myself, but stay committed, is because I found my own deeply intrinsic motivation! The determination that I -will- be strong enough to accomplish feats of strength that I have only dreamed of, that I -will- be able to climb a pole, hang free, hold my own body weight for a length of time, and be generally overall powerful and strong. The beauty and grace of all of it is so immensely inspiring to me, that it has the power to make me cry. I like a lot of different activities. Pole, I -love-.

There is a saying that if you have a strong enough "why?" you can conquer any "how?" It's true. I have pushed through many days when I wanted to stay in bed or skip that day. But the vision hung in my head of what I was giving up if I did those things, so, the vision, passion and desire won out.

The study chapter concluded by discussing how extrinsic motivation produces, in most cases, failure. But I was already there. I already innately understood this. Once I read about what intrinsic motivation is, I knew that extrinsic is usually short-term! Physical appearance? Extrinsic. Prize at the office for most weight lost? Extrinsic. Congratulations from family and friends or to impress someone? Extrinsic.

We each need to find what intrinsically motivates us. What is an activity we love that we can get really excited about and have fun doing? Maybe it's kickboxing. Maybe it's dance. Maybe it's outdoor activities. Maybe it's challenging ourselves through 5Ks and marathons. 

Find what does it for you. Once you do, embrace the happiness and fulfillment it brings you and run with it at full speed. Now that I've started pole, that's it. I can't imagine life without it. Because I am so passionately in love with it, I choose to be somewhat indifferent to the ignorance surrounding the stigma of it. Not everyone is going to understand it, get it, support it, or be open whatsoever to what pole -actually- is, means, or accomplishes in my life and other people's lives. But uninformed opinions and thoughts have nothing to do with me, and certainly aren't going to stop the happiness, passion and connection to myself and emotional healing that I have realized through pole.

I love sharing things that I learn with others, and encouraging anyone who is willing to listen, and I love listening to it! I am a huge fan of knowledge. You really could call me a knowledge junkie. If I could go to school for the rest of my life, I would! 

I'll wrap this up by reminding myself and all of you that fear is a lie. Insecurity is a lie. Defeat is a lie. If you are allowing fear to stop you from doing what you really want, smash it down. Think of who you will be and what will be accomplished by you when you come out the other side of completing what you are afraid of. A very passionate and loving woman reminded me this week that fear is a lie!!! I needed to hear it.

We only get one life! Choose to live fearlessly!

Surprising Lessons for Unstoppable Me

My whole life I've been a "working out is something I should do to try to look better," kind of gal. That weak mentality of looking at your body and judging it ferociously. Arms too this, butt too that, waist too wide, etc, you know the drill.

Well gosh, there's something I've learned recently about that mentality.

It doesn't really work.

I mean, don't get me wrong. Who doesn't want to rock a hip hugging, low slung jean with no muffin top? Who doesn't want to wear a size six and look stunning in clothes right off the rack? That's not what I'm talking about, though. I've learned that when I approach fitness as -just- a way to look good, I'm missing, well, almost the entire point of fitness.

I recently had some awesome things happen. Granted, winter has taken its toll. Oh boy, has it ever. BUT, I have to praise God all the way to the heavenlies about my back issues healing. It's been such a long haul. It's been miserable, struggling, and difficult as you could believe. I've shed so many tears over it. Taken two steps forward, then fallen five steps back. Gained fat. When you have a weak core and as you try to strengthen it, your spine keeps giving out on you, it is a miserable journey at times. When you have a slow thyroid and get exhausted from time to time and foggy brained, it is a miserable journey at times. And I just wanted to GET FIT. And it couldn't happen yet. Infuriating.

Then one day, something happened. It occurred to me that I wanted, more than almost anything, to be able to lift my own body weight. To be able to spin around and accomplish amazing acrobatic feats on a pole. Now, I felt this way already, yes, but something finally clicked. I made a couple of  decisions. For one, my back was much better. For two, my progesterone levels were adjusted again so I wasn't so tired anymore. I decided to make being active a part of my life, instead of an "event to attend" in my life, so to speak. I decided that even if it takes months to be able to lift my own body, and even if I get exhausted mid workout and want to stop, to keep going. To push through it. To hold tight to that saying, "Unless you puke, faint, or die, keep going." It sounds incredible, but I actually made the decision that even if my heart palpitates (which it does frequently), to push through it anyway. I've dealt with heart palpitations since I was a teen. I highly doubt my heart is going to give out on me now. And if I die, I'll die doing what I love. I'm not kidding. I'm not going to let any of it hold me back.

 I've also learned that a key to becoming and staying fit is to love yourself. It's corny, sounds cheesy, and may evoke some eye rolls from many, but holy moley, it's true! In fact, I don't know if it's even possible to get into shape without self love. The kind of love that won't allow you to treat yourself like trash. I've learned to tell myself, each and every day, "I accept myself unconditionally, right now." When you slather yourself with that much love, something about your way of thinking changes. A little bit at a time, you start to see less of what you don't like, and more of what you do. My entire perspective is changing, every single day.
I must credit A Course in Weight Loss (thanks, Aunt Faith!) for teaching me about the lie that overeating is expressing love to yourself. It's actually just the opposite. In our culture here in the US of A, there's a widely held belief that food is love. We feed and feed and feed ourselves and others because it is "comforting" and "healthy." Simultaneously, we are eating ourselves toward degenerative diseases, heart attacks and strokes. How did this misconception happen? I don't know. All I do know is that it's a lie.

 Additionally, I've learned to EAT and ENJOY it! Before my back healed, I was dwelling on what I was eating, trying to cut out carbs, obsessing over food because all I could do for my health was to eat better and walk to get rid of excess pounds. Now, I'm so liberated by all the strength training I'm doing, that I'm not obsessing over calories, carbs and crazy habits! I've never been one for calorie deprivation diets. It doesn't work for me. I tried Weight Watchers, and I was starving every day. I tried old fashioned calorie counting, and ugh! Talk about being hungry and feeling deprived constantly. Diets don't work. Ever. I've never known someone to start dieting and then successfully keep the weight off. I always have gained more fat than before, after quitting a diet.

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received in my life was this: Just incorporate more healthy whole foods into your diet, and over time it will crowd out the junk. So true! Talk about keeping it simple. No dramatic, sudden changes. No failing attempts. Just the conscious effort to incorporate more GOOD. Life is so much better that way.

Now, in true me fashion and because I like to grab the world by the horns and LIVE life furiously and with abandon, I've decided to become certified in group exercise. I've been talking to gyms in the area, and have met some very genuine, splendid people along the way. I've learned about the fitness biz and learned that I'd like to pursue a yoga certification when my group ex cert is complete. Yoga is in high demand right now in our area and, wonderfully, is a great companion for pole! And yes, I asked the Y director about incorporating pole in the future, and while the client base would likely not request it at this time, it's possible for the future.

One last thing and you can dash off.

I've learned that we must fight for joy. Every day of our lives. Sometimes happiness alights on us, and it is beautiful. In that moment, I say, grab it with both hands and embrace happiness for all you're worth. But joy? Joy is an underlying current, something we need to try to tap into from the depths of our guts when things are sucking and we want to die. Joy is the knowledge that God IS real, he DOES adore you and he DOES care about every detail. He cries with you. He hurts with you. He wants the absolute best for you. Joy isn't necessarily an emotion, but it is a state of mind, and a state of our spirits. Ask for peace, and choose joy.

So there are my two cents for the day, or week, until whenever I write a blog post again. It will likely be soon, cuz I'm learning a lot these days. And we all know that when I get excited, I like to write, and write and write. And when I'm in pain, I like to write, and write and write.

You are beautiful. Choose to love yourself, unconditionally, right now.

<3

Illness

  I don't know how to start this entry.
  I'm struggling for words because I don't want to sound negative or like a big whiner.

  I also don't want to sound like I'm laying blame and not taking responsibility for myself and my actions.

  I'm amazed at how an illness and an injury can affect your well being on a day to day basis. Some days I feel as though weight loss and fitness is a mountain I'll never see the other side of. Fitness is for other people, who aren't experiencing the extreme setbacks of hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances. 
  I am a girl who has literally sobbed as I stepped onto the treadmill because I was so exhausted but know there's no other road to fitness. A girl who has wondered "am I going to faint on this trail and Grace will run into traffic, leash trailing behind, and get hit by a car?"
  Some days a workout in the morning leaves me so beat that it's tough to get through the day without dragging myself around.
  
  There are those weeks that happen where I'm doing great. I eat well and go for a brisk walk or run several days per week. Then there are those weeks where I feel exhausted, beaten down and as though none of it is paying off at all.
  I'm so tired of the cycle! Especially when everywhere I look around me, people are slimming down and feeling great. "Oh I look like I've lost weight? Thanks for noticing! I just have been eating salads and running a few miles a day and the weight has been dripping off! I feel amazing!"
Good for you. Now give me those size 8 yoga pants so I can ram them down your throat. Must be nice to have energy to spare and be PHYSICALLY ABLE to work out regularly.
  It used to be that working out was an inconvenience for me. Not any more. Now it's what I desire and love, but is a struggle, every day. Daily questions consist of, Will this work out wear me down? Will it reverse the progress I've made at the chiropractor and slip something out of place?

  Not giving up, no. But tired of the cycle. I want to have a better thyroid NOW. I want to be fit NOW. I want my back fixed NOW.

  But that's not how life works, is it? Nope. You just plow on through, doing the best you can. One step at a time.
 
 

Diary Entry of a Hopeless Halloween Nightmare

  Upon waking, I started the day with the annoying nagging understanding that I only slept approximately five and half hours last night. Probably closer to 4, since I'm not counting the tossing and turning and the the burning lungs and throat and the getting of the humidifier from out of the downstairs bathroom tub, which I reassembled in record time, in order to be time efficient and get as much sleep as possible. Once the humidity kicked in, I was able to fall asleep. It was a miracle.
   I must blame my retiring late to my addiction to a certain television show about bikers and the drama that unfolds as they live their lives outside of what's right and good, only to experience far more pain and suffering than if they would just become noble and good citizens and earn fortune in the honest and legal way. But that would make for a boring show, I suppose, so that's not the way it goes.
  I like my time alone at night. I love -me- time. I am in a consistent battle with myself regarding early or late rising. My days are consumed by children and dogs, dishes and laundry, business building and exercise, sweat and lack of make up and showers. I am consistently battling my body hair to cease and desist, and it is a losing battle.

 In fact, today has felt like one big losing battle. No matter how many times I wash the dishes, more appear. There will always be mountains of laundry, because even when I plan to fold one load per day, and I actually believe it could happen because I'm a hopeless optimist I suppose, it doesn't happen. Not when there are calls to be made, dishes to be done by hand, dogs and kids around my feet, legs and hips and their needs are voiced as each minute passes. I would love to fold laundry, if only I could get to it.
  My joy is found in pole. Ah yes, pole will be good! my thoughts agree. However, once I start my lesson I realize that soon my son will be awake,  require lunch, and I also told my children I would attend the Halloween parade at school. But I don't know what time it is, so I call the school to find out.

  As I drive to the school, which is just down our street, I dread the crowd of people, as I'm currently in slob state with oily hair, aged sweat, partially-removed nail polish, and feeling incredibly non-congenial. But then, as I approach, I see it. And my jaw drops.
  Vast masses of cars, lines of them, not just in the school parking lot, but lining the street. I am instantly angered by the emotion that comes upon perfectionists when they believe they are witnessing other parents more perfect than them. Not only is it cold and rainy out, but it appears as though nearly half the metro has turned out for a small elementary school Halloween costume parade. I don't understand. And I feel tears in my eyes as my thoughts deepen into overdrive. Why is this so important to so many people? Why are there so many school events that they have started to seem innumerable to me and if I were to participate in all of them, I might as well work full time as a volunteer at the school?
  I have failed. Once again. On top of the many, many things I suck at. This is one of those days. There is no way I'm getting out of my car through two blocks of cold rain, and dash into the fray of thousands of excited parents and children with a cold callous look on my face and the wretchedness that is this day. After all, I justify to myself, when they come home we'll carve pumpkins and then go trick or treating. They have to forgive me for not coming to this insane craziness that is the Suburban Parents Organization of Overachievers. They just have to.

 So that is that. I missed the stupid, ridiculous, exalted and worshiped Halloween parade. And I'm here, in my house, dry but not warm, and hoping and wishing that my children will forgive me for being as imperfect as I am.

 So here I sit. Oily and out of control. The hopelessness I feel over this entire charade called a day is ghastly. 

 I am in desperate need of some Jesus, a bible, and a nap. And lots, and lots of crying.

Fit but Frustrated in Minnesota

  The scale is evil.

  Not because I haven't been losing weight, no. But because I FEEL so much slimmer and better and even my husband has commented on how skinny I feel to him, and yet the scale isn't budging. Hasn't for two weeks. According to the scale, I've lost a total of TWO POUNDS IN A MONTH. Yet I feel like I've lost ten. It makes no sense.

  I hate when people say "Don't go by the scale!" because really, isn't that what a scale is for? I'm -not- supposed to weigh what I weigh right now, trust me. Really. I'm not a body builder, I'm overweight.

  When is this stubborn bugger going to go down a bit further? I've been running 45 minutes a day, 4-5 days per week, and just incorporated lunges and squats, per my chiro's permission.
   But the scale. Isn't. Moving. It's gotta move sometime, doesn't it? SOME TIME?! Because I cannot be doomed to weigh what I weigh right now, forever.

  I'm being so good! I'm watching what I eat, I drink pretty much nothing but water, I say no to sugar most of the time, and I'm EVEN GOING TO BED EARLY! Okay wow, I'm actually pretty dang proud of myself. I've accomplished a lot. Not to mention my increased cardio endurance.  I get my run out of the way first thing in the morning before the kiddos are even up, so that I don't stress it throughout the day, and I run my keister off. At least I hope. Or up, which is what the lunges and squats are for.

 I suppose I could just go off a darn measuring tape for a while, since the scale is such a bummer and not meeting my expectations. Anybody else had weird scale experiences for WEEKS at a time, all the while certain they were losing weight? What the crap, man.

Signed,

Fit but Frustrated in Minnesota

  

Let's Be Honest

  The term is self-sabotage.

  I've been listening to a book that discusses this topic at some points, and while I used to think that this term is a silly way to psychoanalyze, I can hardly believe that as the author explained what it is, I had a complete "ah-ha" moment and realized that self-sabotaging is probably most of the reason I haven't achieved half of what I want at this point in myself. Although, I am fairly ambitious so maybe I want to achieve more than the average bear. 

  Thomas Edison stated, "If we all did what we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." 

Think about it. How many times have we intended to do something, but didn't actually do it because we were lazy, or just plain afraid? Those voices in our head say either "Meh, that's too much work anyway," or, "Do you really believe you can actually DO that? Hmmm..." or, "You'll fail. Then what? You'll look stupid."

Well gosh I mean, if that's how Thomas Edison lived his life, would we have the light bulb today? If that's how Henry Ford thought, would we have automobiles to drive? What about the Wright brothers? What about Walt Disney? What about Marshall Fields?

  I can say that I have self-sabotaged myself throughout life, either due to lack of clear goals and direction, or as a result of not believing in myself. I have believed, for a very long time, and at times without realizing it, that I am not good enough. Yep. I'm not pretty enough, not attractive enough, and I have beaten myself down into the dirt with the measuring stick of comparison. Why can't I just be prettier, thinner, more skilled at this or that, more successful, more accomplished, and the list goes on. Therefore, due to my lack of belief in these areas, I STAY in those beliefs. Don't get me wrong, I'm improving day by day. But it is a daily battle.

  The fact is I can be whatever I want to be. I can do whatever I want to do. That sounds vast, but for the sake of summation, I'll just put it that way. It's true. 

  I overeat due to the desire to escape and numb pain, like a druggie would inject heroin. Okay, there's nothing wrong with loving to eat yummy food! BUT, there's a point where you have to say okay, that sixth donut is enough. I've had enough cake. I've had enough crackers. I'm not just enjoying a small treat at this point, I'm damaging my life. I don't want to do that anymore! While I don't believe there's a place we "arrive" to overcome our issues, I do believe we can triumph greatly over them and continue to heal and move forward.

  Something else I'm learning is to actually envision myself in the place I want to be. Do I want to earn a trip through my business? I picture myself on the beaches of Bali. Do I want to lose 50 pounds? I picture myself rocking pole. When we desire something so badly, and we visualize ourselves doing it, it is far more likely to be obtained.

  Don't ever stop believing in yourself. The only times anyone thinks your dreams are silly or ridiculous is because they are afraid to dream, themselves.

  From this day forward, I will be zoning in on self-sabotaging, every day. When I crave sugar, I'll remind myself that poisoning my body isn't getting me where I want to be. When I don't want to get on the treadmill, I'll remind myself that's the most important time to do it.

  

  Stop sabotaging yourself! 

  You are capable of SO MUCH that you can astound yourself.