I don't know how to start this entry.
I'm struggling for words because I don't want to sound negative or like a big whiner.
I also don't want to sound like I'm laying blame and not taking responsibility for myself and my actions.
I'm amazed at how an illness and an injury can affect your well being on a day to day basis. Some days I feel as though weight loss and fitness is a mountain I'll never see the other side of. Fitness is for other people, who aren't experiencing the extreme setbacks of hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances.
I am a girl who has literally sobbed as I stepped onto the treadmill because I was so exhausted but know there's no other road to fitness. A girl who has wondered "am I going to faint on this trail and Grace will run into traffic, leash trailing behind, and get hit by a car?"
Some days a workout in the morning leaves me so beat that it's tough to get through the day without dragging myself around.
There are those weeks that happen where I'm doing great. I eat well and go for a brisk walk or run several days per week. Then there are those weeks where I feel exhausted, beaten down and as though none of it is paying off at all.
I'm so tired of the cycle! Especially when everywhere I look around me, people are slimming down and feeling great. "Oh I look like I've lost weight? Thanks for noticing! I just have been eating salads and running a few miles a day and the weight has been dripping off! I feel amazing!"
Good for you. Now give me those size 8 yoga pants so I can ram them down your throat. Must be nice to have energy to spare and be PHYSICALLY ABLE to work out regularly.
It used to be that working out was an inconvenience for me. Not any more. Now it's what I desire and love, but is a struggle, every day. Daily questions consist of, Will this work out wear me down? Will it reverse the progress I've made at the chiropractor and slip something out of place?
Not giving up, no. But tired of the cycle. I want to have a better thyroid NOW. I want to be fit NOW. I want my back fixed NOW.
But that's not how life works, is it? Nope. You just plow on through, doing the best you can. One step at a time.
